Old Spring Wood part two: 28-06-2016

From: bertram.brackenfrond@old_spring_wood.co.uk
Date: Tues, Jun 28, 2016 at 4PM
Subject: Grievous Bodily Harm in Old Spring Wood
To:  ncv-task-force-leader@nidderdale_aonb.gov.uk
Cc: NBU@old_spring_wood.co.uk

Dear Sir or Madam

I am writing to voice major concern over the continuing onslaught on members of the NBU (National Bracken Union) that work steadfastly on the propagation of their kind in Old Spring Wood, Summerbridge. It is an outrage that this annual bracken bashing event is allowed to continue. I put in a complaint of 'Grievous Bodily Harm' to the North Yorkshire Constabulary but they told me that this is not a matter for the police and I should contact you.

Last week a group of your NCVs laid waste to thousands of my members. Not satisfied with that, they returned to wreak further havoc this week with 17 of them wielding long sticks and slashers. (See photographic evidence below.) It was only the fact that they finished early, due to an afternoon of heavy rain, that I am still in a fit state to write this email - probably only one of half a dozen plants still in one piece in the whole wood. 

NCVs waiting for the order to advance from YOUR officer.

 Lethal weapons were used to fell my fellow workers, 
Barny, Bill and  Barry.

 This particular NCV appeared to take great satisfaction in the slaughter.

This one, a trainee, seemed to understand 
just how best to take a fellow out. 

To add insult to injury these thugs showed no concern about what they were doing - indeed they seemed to thoroughly enjoy the activity. To make matters worse they showed species discrimination leaving our rivals, the ferns, and all other plant species entirely unharmed. 

What exactly is so special about these two species that left them standing?

Your NCVs were able to relax at coffee  seemingly 

unmoved by the groans of pain from their surrounding victims.

Whilst laying waste to my colleagues, some had the effrontery to laugh, joke and sing in the rain. Have they no heart?!

These criminals were even rewarded for their labours by the owner of the wood, Rosemary Helme, who provided them with a delicious meal in the comfort of her conservatory. How can this be right?

 NCVs relaxed over their lunch whilst our members 
lay bruised and broken only yards away.

The trainee, who had so cruelly beaten so many members of the NBU, was actually congratulated warmly and rewarded for her efforts, as this was her last day on the job. 

What example is this to set a youngster?

Has the world gone mad?

 A whole wood of strong, healthy bracken...

...has now been beaten to a pulp. Where is the justice in this?

Can I call upon you to put an end to this yearly massacre? 

Sincerely 

Bertram Brackenfrond
President of the NBU


From: ncv-task-force-leader@nidderdale_aonb.gov.uk 
Date: Tues, Jun 28, 2016 at 5PM
Subject: Grievous Bodily Harm in Old Spring Wood
To:  barny.brackenfrond@old_spring_wood.co.uk
Cc: NBU@old_spring_wood.co.uk

Dear Mr Brackenfrond

Whilst we sympathise with your point of view we, at the Nidderdale AONB, are committed to enhancing the environment and will need to maintain our annual programme of bracken eradication in the site of importance for nature conservation (SINC) where you live and work. Bruising the bracken reduces its density and vigour, benefiting the woodland ground flora and regenerating trees.  We strongly advise you and your members to give up and go elsewhere to work. 

Regards

NCV task force leader
Nidderdale AONB office


From: barny.brackenfrond@old_spring_wood.co.uk
Date: Tues, Jun 28, 2016 at 6PM
Subject: Grievous Bodily Harm in Old Spring Wood
To:  ncv-task-force-leader@nidderdale_aonb.gov.uk
Cc: NBU@old_spring_wood.co.uk

Sir / Madam

I find your tone offensive and inform you now that Brackenfronds NEVER give up.

Yours etc. etc.